Submission in a Godly Family-1 Peter 3:1-7
1 Peter 3:1-7
Key Verse: 4
“Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
If you have been following the study of 1 Peter, you may remember that we have been following the theme of submission. By God’s wisdom there are three institutions established for all people to live productive and happy lives in the world. These would include the government—in order to keep peace and order in society; the work place —to be productive and earn wages; and the family—to love your spouse and nurture children. In order to be a good Christian example in an ungodly world we need to be a good model by being submissive in each of these institutions. First, submission to authority in the government. Chapter 2:13 reads, “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men whether to the king as the supreme authority…” Second, submission to our bosses at work. Chapter 2:18 reads, “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.” Third, submission in the family—which we will study about today. Specifically, a believing wife’s submission to an unbelieving husband and a believing husband’s submission to an unbelieving wife. Before I start a caveat—this passage is not to promote a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever, which is unbiblical. Rather, it is addressing a mix marriage—when one of the spouses became a believer while the other is still an unbeliever. For believers, it makes more spiritual sense and is biblical to marry another believer. Of course, this is not a 100% guarantee of a Romeo and Juliet relationship, but marrying a spouse who loves Jesus makes marriages more fruitful and happy in the long run. Because in marriage you must consider future children, your ministry, and influence on your relatives and community of believers. Remember that the goal of these kinds of submissions are for the glory of God and the betterment of society. We are not to insurrect against our government or fight with our bosses. Only in those rare cases if they are oppressing and doing harm to us or our families. Then we may have to do non-violent protests as Martin Luther King taught Christians to do. The purpose which God established institutions is to have an orderly, healthy, productive, godly, and peaceful society. Today, we will learn how wives and husbands are to submit to one another in Christ.
Look at verse 1. “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives…” “In the same way” means that Peter is continuing his theme of submission as mentioned in my introduction. As we read, six verses are attributed to the wives’ submission and only one to the husband. Someone today may misinterpret this and say Peter was sexist. Dr. Ben joked in our Bible study that it was because women are better because they can handle six verses while man only one. Actually, to better understand this seemingly disproportion of verses in this passage, we must understand the Greco-Roman culture at that time.
At that time, the husband was the unquestioned authority in the household. There was even a Roman law called patria potestas. It stated that an unmarried woman living in her father’s house was under her father’s power. When she married, she was under her husband’s power. In either case, the father or husband had absolute authority in the household. They could abuse and even kill the woman and there was no legal recourse. The woman was thought of merely as one who served the needs of the male population. Of course, we all agree that it was a disgusting, unequal, and unbiblical law. In Genesis, God created man and woman equal in his image, but with just different roles. In Peter’s time, if a woman becomes a believer and liberated by her faith in Jesus and suddenly starts fighting for her rights. She will ruin her Christian witness and endanger her own life as we learned about the strict laws at that time. Not only that, Christianity will be labeled as a religion that conflicted with marital status of society. Remember in the book of Esther when Queen Vashti decided to disobey King Xerxes just one time. It became a giant scandal. The lawmakers decided to change the laws. They banned Vashti from entering the king’s presence. They made stricter laws that gave men more power and authority in their households. Esther 1:22 reads, “He sent dispatches to all parts of the kingdom, to each province in its own script and to each people in its own language, proclaiming in each people’s tongue that every man should be ruler over his own household.” If the Roman Emperor heard that wives were rebelling and not listening to their husbands, he could have made stricter laws and give husbands more authority than they already had. That is why Peter, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, gave wise spiritual counseling to believing wives with unbelieving husbands in order not to endanger their lives or hinder their Christian witness.
Look at verse 1 again. “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives…” Let’s remember the goal of a believing wife who has an unbelieving husband. It is to win him over to Christ. This was not only the goal of the wife married to an unbelieving husband, but a believing husband to an unbelieving wife. Actually, it is the goal of all Christians to win others over to Christ. In this case, the wife had to have wisdom and tact in winning her unbelieving husband over to Christ without disrespecting him or challenging his authority over the family. It was not wise for the wife to become a preacher and giving Bible verses to her husband. For it was not acceptable at that time for women to teach men. Especially, for a wife to tell her husband to change his religion was not socially acceptable, for their Roman and Greek gods were intrinsically part of their lives. Also, an unbelieving husband may only be irritated and pushed farther away from the gospel. That is why Peter advised believing wives to win their husbands over to Christ not by their words, but by their Christian behavior. It is not what the husbands hear, but what they see.
Look at verse 2. “…when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” Peter’s point is that godly conduct is a powerful witness. Much more powerful than words without conduct. He does not mean that verbal witness is not important. In the proper context, words are necessary and essential to communicate the content of the gospel. Peter’s point is that disobedient husbands are more likely to be won by godly practice than by preaching from their wives. They will notice attractive behavior from their wives and through it be drawn to the source of that behavior—a relationship with Jesus Christ. As believers, we can say many good words and have deep theological understanding. But in reality, unbelieving people look more at our lives than what we say. That’s just the fact of life. That is why our lives must match with the gospel that we preach. Maria and I are thankful to God that we can spend more time with our children now. We know that since they grew up in a Christian family and in UBF that they have heard the gospel preached and they have faith in God. But several of them do not attend church. We pray that they may each truly accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. In the meantime, we are just praying for them and spending more quality time with them until they open their hearts to the gospel. We also serve their needs. For example, I drop off my granddaughter to daycare every day and Maria invites our children over for dinner—cooking delicious food for them. In God’s time we pray and believe they will come to faith in Christ Jesus. We hold on to God’s word in Acts 16:31, “They replied, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.’” Yesterday I saw my son-in-law Daniel and he said this week he wants to meet me to discuss the book of Genesis with him. It seems to be a small thing but actually it is a big spiritual progress for our family. Maintaining a relationship with family members is a very important part of evangelism. It was the same advice for the godly wives in Peter’s time. Their witness was not only to be based on their outward beauty which would not be effective in their evangelism in the long run.
Look at verse 3. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.” I think that we can all agree on this that in our society, in general, women are more concerned about their outward appearance than men. As sales of cosmetics and plastic surgeries will verify. Some men do not really concern themselves as much as how they look in public. Maria had to tell me many times to change my shirt or pants because they were not appropriate attire for an occasion. In that Greco-Roman culture, women in higher status were mostly not working. They spent most of their time on their outward appearance with braided hair, wearing jewelry, and fancy clothes. Their goal was not only to feel good about themselves but to impress men, especially their husbands. But Peter knew that their outward beauty alone would not convert their husbands to Jesus. They were not fighting a physical battle but a spiritual battle and they needed God’s help.
Look at verse 4. “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” The inner character of a woman is more attractive in the long run than outward beauty. We see so many Hollywood marriages with beautiful and handsome people. But many divorce so quickly because many of them realize that even though their spouse looks beautiful or handsome outwardly. They are ugly inwardly and do many terrible things behind their spouse’s back. A spiritual woman works on not only being beautiful and healthy outwardly. More so, inwardly, to have a gentle and quite spirit, which pleases not only her husband, but God also. Here “gentle” means strength under submission or control. It is the same word that Jesus used to describe himself. Matthew 11:29: “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Of course, we know that though Jesus was gentle and humble, he was the Son of God. Does a husband find rest and peace when he comes home? Or arguing and fighting or being bossed around? A horse that is powerful but responsive to the slightest tug of its master is a “gentle” horse. So, it refers to a wife who is not selfishly assertive, but rather who yields her rights without yielding her strength of character. “Quiet” does not mean mute, but rather tranquil or calm, not combative. A quiet woman exudes a confidence in her role and giftedness. She is not out to prove anything, because she is secure in who she is in the Lord. She may be “quiet” and yet be articulate and persuasive in presenting her point of view. But she doesn’t do it in a demanding or obnoxiously assertive way. [Pic 4] She is at peace with herself in the Lord.
In Proverbs 31:30 we find these words, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” In America, between 40-50% of families, including Christian families, will end in divorce. A majority of divorces are initiated by women and the number 1 cause is infidelity. Perhaps due to the infidelity of the husbands. From Proverbs 31, we learn that outward charm and beauty does not last very long. Actually, when people marry at first outward appearance is important, but after some time it is the other person’s personality and character that keeps the relationship going. Even as they get older and not as attractive as they once were. I thank God who gave me a wonderful wife who fears the Lord. I remember in our honeymoon I told my wife I loved her. Do you what her answer was? “I love Jesus more.” When she said that I did not feel rejected. Instead, I felt like the most blessed man in the world because I married a woman who loves Jesus most of all—even more than me. Even though God gave her a sanguine and assertive personality it is her fear of God and love for Jesus I find most attractive. She is also fun to be with and loves swimming and board games like I do. Inner character is what Peter was alluding to in verse 4. In order to emphasize his point, Peter gives a biblical example of such a woman.
Look at verses 5-6. “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” As we know, to find outwardly beautiful women in America is easy. But to find a beautiful woman who puts her hope in God and fears God is another matter. Praise God for the godly women in our church here. In the past, the best example of a submissive woman was Sarah. It is amazing that Sarah continued to respect Abraham even though he had denied her as his wife two times. It was because he was afraid of ungodly evil rulers who might kill him to take his beautiful wife away. Basically, he was being selfish only trying to preserve his own life and not thinking of the consequences for his wife Sarah. This shows how many faults and mistakes men, including Christian men, have. It takes very strong women of faith to bear with their husbands’ weaknesses and to help them grow as godly and spiritual men of God and responsible leaders of the family. That is why God created a wife to be a man’s helper.
Lee Strobel, an atheist, was a famous newspaper writer for the Chicago Tribune. Even though he was married he had lived immorally, also as a drunkard and hedonist. His wife Leslie was also an atheist when they were married. But after a few years Leslie became a believer through a Christian neighbor. When Lee first heard about her conversion, he thought it was the end of their marriage. Leslie, however, never gave up but continued to pray for her husband. At first, they got into some arguments, but later she realized that she just needed to keep her faith and trust in God instead of nagging him. She realized by the help of the Holy Spirit it was better to maintain a good marriage relationship with her husband. Then slowly and steadily God began to work in Lee’s heart. He confessed that when she stayed with her close relationship with God. The more he was attracted to coming to God. She said one of the secrets of maintaining their relationship was just respecting and loving her husband. And doing things together that they both like to do. She also appreciated having a Christian friend to help her. Through her love and prayer Lee became a Christian. [Pic 4] Now he is powerful defender of the gospel and writes books and Christian literature. Among his famous books is A Case for Christ. In which, he defends the authenticity and historicity of the gospel. Now, let’s look briefly at the believing husband’s role because according to Dr. Ben he can only handle one verse.
Look at verse 7. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This case was not as a serious problem because at that time if a husband became a Christian then everyone in the household also became Christians. Even though it may cause a strain in his relationship with his wife, the husband’s life was not at all endangered in the relationship by his conversion. This was due to the authority of the father of the household as mentioned earlier. For example, Acts 16:34. “The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole family.” But if a godly man had an unbelieving wife he was to submit to her needs as well and treat her as an heir with him of eternal life. He had to be a good Christian witness to his wife and not abuse the human authority he had over her. Instead, he ought to honor her and love her as Christ loves the church.
Let me read the NASB version of verse 7. “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” From this verse we learn for believing men to be good husbands they must first live with their wives with understanding. Some men may say well I’m obeying because I already live with my wife. But it is not just about living in the same house and eating in the same kitchen. You can have a roommate who lives in the same house and eats in the same kitchen but not be your wife. It is about understanding your wife deeply, inside and out. Not like the example of the man who was asked by his wife whether he loved her or not. He answered, “Well, I married you didn’t I.” It is about understanding what she likes, what she doesn’t like. Understanding her feelings and how she wants to be treated. As written in the middle of verse 7, “as with someone weaker, since she is a woman.” It does not mean women are weaker spiritually then men nor are they less intelligent. As we know, they can be weaker emotionally and physically. They are more sensitive than men and cry about certain issues that men may be indifferent to. Many men don’t even understand why their wives are crying about something. But God made women in this way in order to be a loving and nurturing mother. Generally speaking, women are 30% physically weaker than men. Maria may go shopping but she always calls me to carry the groceries in the house and to twist open the jars. Believing husbands are not only to understand their wives, but honor them as well.
Look at verse 7b. “…and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” The second important thing is to honor one’s wife. We cannot ignore the facts that in our country and many countries around the world there is domestic violence. Many more cases are against the wives than to the husbands, even among Christian families. It can happen when the believing husband does not honor his wife, whether she is a believer or not, as God’s gift and grace upon his life. If he has a godly attitude towards his wife than he will not want to abuse her physically, emotionally, or psychologically. At the international school I worked in in Kyiv, the director was considered by many to be a great man. He was young, handsome, smart, and athletic. He did many things to improve the school and help the Ukrainian staff members. He has a beautiful wife and handsome son. But one day Maria and I accidently ran into him in a mall with another woman without his family. It was very suspicious because it was during the war time and no one was supposed to know where our director was located. Outwardly, he looked like a great man but I felt pity for him and for his wife, who has to live with such a sneaky husband. Dana White is the president of the most successful fighting organization called the UFC. It is a billion dollar business and many people respect and look up to him because of all his success. But he had recent trouble with the media because he was caught slapping his wife. For whatever reason, a husband should never raise his hand to slap or hit his wife. Though he looks like a great man he became a petty man for slapping his wife. Husbands are to honor their wives because if they don’t their prayers will not be heard.
Look at the last part of verse 7. “…so that your prayers will not be hindered.” A believing husband’s prayer will actually be hindered when he does not honor his wife. Which prayer? It is his prayer to bring his unbelieving wife to saving faith in Jesus. The same principle that Peter taught about wives also applied to husbands. The unbelieving wife not only needs to hear the good news of the gospel from their husbands but they need to also see the powerful and loving examples that the gospel gives to their husbands. Otherwise, if the husbands gave a bad example, no amount of prayer would help to change their wives’ hearts. Both wives and husbands must be good Christian examples and models in order to win over their unbelieving spouse to Christ. Amen.
I will end with a wise saying that I heard and believe to be true. “The husband is the head of the house. But the wife is the neck. The head can only move where the neck wants it to move.” In other words, in a godly family the husband and wife work together as one unit for the glory of God. After studying Genesis chapter 2 as a 19-year-old student, my Bible teacher asked me what kind of wife I was looking for. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, I answered, “a wife who can work hard 16 hours a day.” God heard my prayer and sent Maria to be my wife, who works hard daily. She is a godly and pure woman of God. She is also submissive to God and to me. I told her I only liked natural beauty. She decided not to wear make-up or jewelry but only at weddings. She even let me cut her hair even though I am an amateur when we were in Ukraine. But since moving back to America see doesn’t ask me anymore because her sister is a professional hair dresser. When I told her our family should go to Ukraine as missionaries twenty years ago. She obeyed God’s direction through me even though her heart’s desire was to go the Philippines. Our relationship and love for another has only grown in proportion to our love for God and our Lord Jesus Christ.
May God bless each of you to establish godly families in the near future and submit to one another with love, honor, and respect. God bless America to have many loving and godly families who follow biblical principles. Through them raise up a new generation of children who will love and pray for America to be a Christian nation once again. And most of all love Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Amen.
